Dear You,
Healing is super messy sometimes. Now I know that all of us have experienced some sort of trauma of some sort or some sort of hurt (whether that was the loss of a best friend, loss of a loved one, loss of a job/career opportunity, moving unexpectedly, sexual assault, loss of a child, etc.) the list is never-ending. It’s silly to ask “how do you get over it?” because if we’re honest, sometimes the hurt still lives with us embedded in our bodies that we are unaware that it’s there. Sometimes you never know that you’re still holding on to hurt until you revisit a place and become triggered all over again and you’re left in a stupor trying to figure out why you feel the way that you do.
But lemme back track a little bit. I wanted to set the scene about hurt because it all ties in with how I told you all that as I inch closer and closer to 30, I am so set out on becoming the woman that I desire to be (even if I reach her after 30)… Anyways, as I am growing into the woman that I desire to become, that comes with having to heal myself, forgive myself and others and be willing to give myself grace as I move forward. Why is this important you ask? We need to be able to be made new (in Christ) and overall in order to live free. Who wants to dwell on the past? Who wants to be stuck in a mental/emotional cycle?
I say all of this to say, me personally, I am attacking some major parts of me that I know needs to be healed and lemme tell ya, I am SCARED. I have decided to tackle Puerto Rico in therapy (iykyk) but if you’re new here, about 6 years ago – I was sexually assaulted by a stranger at a club and that situation has left me emotionally scarred and has stunted my personal growth in more ways than one. I attempted suicide a few times, I used to self-harm, I used to have severe panic attacks and constantly think that someone would be out to get me. Over the years, I started and stopped medication (this year, I have given medication another chance and have even found with that, that healing and desired mental state isn’t even fully linear). I’m actually terrified to go through this level of healing because I have no clue what’s on the other side of it, I have no clue what it will take to go through it, I doubt myself and whether or not I’ll be able to do it. However, I’m really trying to be committed to this and to this process, and you should be committed to yours. It’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to still be healing. It’s okay to have setbacks in your healing journey but what isn’t okay is giving up on your healing process altogether. You have to heal, not just for you but so you can tell someone else about how you made it through what they are currently going through. So what if you’ve tried before and failed? So what if you cry every day for a month straight, or crash out for a week straight? At least you are TRYING and you want healing for yourself – and you know what? You deserve it! Give yourself grace. Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither is your breakthrough moment, your day of healing. Healing isn’t linear, it’s messy, it’s smelly, it’s gross, it’s scary, but it’s worth fighting for and having.
I hope that you face your fears and face whatever is holding you back from healing fully.
I believe in you,
Me
I love you! You got this! Keep going!
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